Humour Files: Anime

               All I Ever Learned, I Learned from Anime
   1. War sucks.
   2. You CAN have too many women.
   3. Smart people wear glasses.
   4. Music foreshadows plot.
   5. The less you care about sex, the more opportunities you'll get.
   6. (Inversely, the harder you try, the less you'll get.)
   7. When you die, make a long speech, and don't finish the last sentence.
   8. Snow means love.
   9. The best teams come in fives.
  10. In space, you can hear everything.
  11. There's always room for flashbacks!
  12. When in China, listen to your tour guide.
  13. The good guy always has the BLUE glow.
  14. Speak quietly, pilot a big mech.
  15. Believe in goddesses.
  16. Teachers have excellent aim with small objects.
  17. Vengeance with a mallet is the sweetest revenge of all.
  18. Honor is sexy; villainy is irresistible.
  19. Women are attracted to losers; men are attracted to ANYTHING.
  20. The coolest weapon is still the sword.
  21. The hero is never really mad until they hurt his girlfriend.
  22. Female androids are sexy; make androids are....male androids.
  23. The green-haired alien girl will always betray her people for the man she
  24. School uniforms are cool only when the collar is open.
  25. A show without sexual tension isn't worth watching.
  26. Love knows no race, species, or logic.
  27. If it's homemade but tastes bad, grin and bury it (discreetly).
  28. Never trust a huge corporation.
  29. Romance never comes simpler than in a triangle.
  30. Never fall for the girl who names her mech with a French name.
  31. Never fall in love with a psychic.
  32. You can never have too much hair.
  33. Sweating is a sure sign of stress.
  34. Daydreaming leads to accidents.
  35. Everyone wants to conquer Japan.
  36. The cute, fuzzy creature isn't what it seems.
  37. Cherry blossoms mean nostalgia.
  38. Always take gravity into account.
  39. Settings and faces are self-generating.
  40. Losing your temper can be therapeutic.
  41. There's nothing sexier than high heels on a mech.
  42. You can never have too many subplots.
  43. If she sings, she's doomed.
  44. You always remember the sad endings.
  45. Double suicide is romantic.
  46. Outrageous vehicles only make the hero cooler.
  47. Nothing delays romance like unruly neighbors.
  48. Fancy ice cream is for girls only.
  49. The most virtuous character will die.
  50. Hot water has innumerable benefits.
  51. No matter how much blood is lost, no one can die by a nosebleed.
  52. (The same theory above applies to vomiting.)
  53. The girl with the curly hair is always the seductress.
  54. If a sister falls in love with her brother, somewhere sown the line you
      will discover that they're not blood related.
  55. The guy in the baseball cap is always more powerful than he seems.
  56. All demons/monsters have enormous genitalia.
  57. All young children can pilot mecha, you just need to give them a few
  58. It is possible to incorporate martial arts into any aspect of life.
  59. All high school kids in Japan have parents that are away on
      extended business trips.
  60. The oldest sister is the nice one, the youngest sister is the brash one.
  61. You can do anything to the human body as long as you hit the right
      pressure point.
  62. Consuming enormous amounts of alcohol daily will never have ill effects.
  63. All major villains either want to take over the world or blow it up.
  64. When someone paints up their face, they mean business.
  65. Everyone in Japan has excellent singing voices.
  66. No matter how many times you rebuild, Tokyo keeps getting destroyed in
      a massive fireball.
  67. The martial arts expert is always defenseless against a slap from the
      girl who loves him.
  68. TAKAHASHI'S LAW #1: Food is a powerful motivator.
  69. When women are sent out to fight the bad guys, there's always a hunk
      busily watching over them, often in secret.
  70. The longer it takes to say what your punch is called, the less
      effective it is.
  71. "Baka" does not mean a student going for his baccalaureate degree.
  72. The more possessive a woman gets, the less likely she will end up with
      the man of her dreams.
  73. TAKAHASHI'S LAW #2: The two-foot-tall old geezer is someone to be feared.
  74. No matter how big the mach/labor/mobile suit is, if it runs around the
      corner, the guy chasing it loses the trail.
  75. Extraterrestrial, demons, time travelers, etc. all want to alter
      the course of history by letting Oda Nobunaga win.
  76. The fate of the planet rests in the hands of the seemingly normal high
      school student.
  77. The heroine must shred her clothes while transforming into something to
      fight the bad guys.
  78. True evil can never be destroyed, only banished to some nether realm where
      it awakes after a few hundred years.
  79. TAKAHASHI'S LAW #3: When being hit on the head, it's the most natural
      thing in the world to tuck your third and fourth fingers in while keeping
      the others extended.
  80. Even the bravest souls can be made weak and helpless by the sight of a
      cute little puppy or kitten.

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