Humour Files: Chain Letters

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Subject:    FW: An Answer to Chain Letters
Date:       01/25/2000 9:37 AM

"An Answer to Chain Letters"

Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly
diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, and fear of
being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution. I also suffer from
the guilt of not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to
me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor
6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able
to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents
sell her to a travelling freak show. Do you honestly believe that Bill
Gates is going to give you, and everyone to whom you send "his" email,
$1000? How stupid are we? "Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this
page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy model in the
magazine!" What a bunch of bullshit.

Basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there
who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail
forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my
apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing a chain that
was started by Peter in 5 AD and brought to this country by midget
pilgrims on the Mayflower and which, if it makes it to the year 2000,
will be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous
streak of blatant stupidity. Fuck them.

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something
mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest
friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow
receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times.
I don't fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what
you're actually contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances
are, it's your own unpopularity.

The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to
leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.
If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel
guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to a
dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per
letter he'll receive if you forward this email, lest he end up like
Miranda. Right?

Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning
your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.


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