Humour Files: Internet

You know you are an Internet Addict when...

(1) You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading

(2) You step out of your room and realise your family has moved and you
haven't a clue as to when it happened.

(3) Your bookmark take 15 minutes to go from top to bottom.

(4) Your nightmares are in HTML and GIF's.

(5) You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you
just pulled the plug on a loved one.

(6) You start introducing yourself as "Jim at net dot com".

(7) Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a
new WWW site address on TV.

(8) You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if
new e-mail arrives.

(9) Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of
what she looks like.

(10) All of your friends have an @ in their names.

(11) When looking at a web page full of someone else's links, you
notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.

(12) Your dog has its own home page.

(13) You can't call your mother... She doesn't have a modem.

(14) You check your e-mail. It says "No new messages." So you check it

(15) You take messages down in "out going flash mail".

(16) You write your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.

(17) You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends, because
they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.

(18) Your husband tells you that he has had the beard for 2 months.

(19) You wake up at 3 AM to go to the bathroom and stop and check your
e-mail on the way back to bed.

(20) You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got
work to do" --- even though you don't have a job.

(21) You keep looking for your boyfriend's name to appear on your buddy
list window, instead of phoning him.

(22) Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."

(23) You get a tattoo that says "This body is best viewed with Netscape
3.0 or higher."

(24) You never have to deal with busy signals when calling you ISP...
because you never log off, cuz you have the "kill wait" proggie going.

(25) The last girl you picked up was only a GIF.

(26) You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in
front of your computer with a toilet.

(27) Your spouse says communication is important in a marriage... so
you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the
two of you can chat.

(28) As you car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your
first instinct is to search for the "back" button, then the escape key.

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