Humour Files: Programmers



High School/Jr.High
 10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
 20 END
 

First year in College

 program Hello(input, output) 
     begin
         writeln('Hello World');
     end.
 

Senior year in College

 (defun hello 
       (print 
         (cons 'Hello (list 'World)))) 
 

New professional

 #include 
 void main(void) 
 { 
   char *message[] = {"Hello ", "World"}; 
     int i; 

     for(i = 0; i < 2; ++i) 
         printf("%s", message[i]); 
     printf("\n"); 
 } 
 

Seasoned professional

 #include 
 #include 

     class string 
     { 
     private: 
         int size; 
         char *ptr; 

     public: 
 string() : size(0), ptr(new char[1]) { ptr[0] = '\0'; } 
 
         string(const string &s) : size(s.size) 
         { 
             ptr = new char[size + 1]; 
             strcpy(ptr, s.ptr); 
         } 

         ~string() 
         { 
             delete [] ptr; 
         } 

         friend ostream &operator << (ostream & const string & 
         string &operator=(const char *); 
     }; 

     ostream &operator << (ostream &stream, const string &s) 
     { 
         return(stream << s.ptr); 
     } 

     string &string::operator=(const char *chrs) 
     { 
         if (this != &chrs) 
         { 
             delete [] ptr; 
           size = strlen(chrs); 
             ptr = new char[size + 1]; 
             strcpy(ptr, chrs); 
         } 
         return(*this); 
     } 

     int main() 
     { 
         string str; 

         str = "Hello World"; 
         cout << str << endl; 

         return(0); 
     } 
 

Master Programmer

     [ 
     uuid(2573F8F4-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820) 
     ] 
     library LHello 
     { 
             // bring in the master library 
             importlib("actimp.tlb"); 
             importlib("actexp.tlb"); 

             // bring in my interfaces 
             #include "pshlo.idl" 

             [ 
             uuid(2573F8F5-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820) 
             ] 
             cotype THello 
       { 
       interface IHello; 
       interface IPersistFile; 
       }; 
     }; 

     [ 
     exe, 
     uuid(2573F890-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820) 
     ] 
     module CHelloLib 
     { 

             // some code related header files 
             importheader(); 
             importheader(); 
             importheader(); 
             importheader("pshlo.h"); 
             importheader("shlo.hxx"); 
             importheader("mycls.hxx"); 

             // needed typelibs 
             importlib("actimp.tlb"); 
             importlib("actex.tlb"); 
             importlib("thlo.tl"); 
             [ 
           uuid(2573F891-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820), 
           aggregatable 
           ] 
           coclass CHello 
     { 
       cotype THello; 
       }; 
     }; 

     #include "ipfix.hxx" 
     extern HANDLE hEvent; 
     class CHello : public CHelloBase 
     { 
       public: 
             IPFIX(CLSID_CHello); 

             CHello(IUnknown *pUnk); 
             ~CHello(); 

             HRESULT __stdcall PrintSz(LPWSTR pwszString); 

     private: 
             static int cObjRef; 
     }; 

     #include 
     #include 
     #include 
     #include 
     #include "thlo.h" 
     #include "pshlo.h" 
     #include "shlo.hxx" 
     #include "mycls.hxx" 

     int CHello:cObjRef = 0; 

     CHello::CHello(IUnknown *pUnk) : CHelloBase(pUnk) 
     { 
             cObjRef++; 
             return; 
     } 

     HRESULT __stdcall CHello::PrintSz(LPWSTR pwszString) 
     { 
             printf("%ws\n", pwszString); 
             return(ResultFromScode(S_OK)); 
     } 

     CHello::~CHello(void) 
     { 

     // when the object count goes to zero, stop the server 
     cObjRef--; 
     if( cObjRef == 0 ) 
             PulseEvent(hEvent); 

     return; 
     } 

     #include 
     #include 
     #include "pshlo.h" 
     #include "shlo.hxx" 
     #include "mycls.hxx" 

     HANDLE hEvent; 

       int _cdecl main( 
     int argc, 
     char * argv[] 
     ) { 
     ULONG ulRef; 
     DWORD dwRegistration; 
     CHelloCF *pCF = new CHelloCF(); 

     hEvent = CreateEvent(NULL, FALSE, FALSE, NULL); 

     // Initialize the OLE libraries 
     CoInitiali, NULL); 
     // Initialize the OLE libraries 
     CoInitializeEx(NULL, COINIT_MULTITHREADED); 

     CoRegisterClassObject(CLSID_CHello, pCF, CLSCTX_LOCAL_SERVER, 
             REGCLS_MULTIPLEUSE, &dwRegistration); 

     // wait on an event to stop 
     WaitForSingleObject(hEvent, INFINITE); 

     // revoke and release the class object 
     CoRevokeClassObject(dwRegistration); 
     ulRef = pCF->Release(); 

     // Tell OLE we are going away. 
     CoUninitialize(); 

     return(0); } 

     extern CLSID CLSID_CHello; 
     extern UUID LIBID_CHelloLib; 

     CLSID CLSID_CHello = { /* 2573F891-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820 
> */ 
             0x2573F891, 
             0xCFEE, 
             0x101A, 
             { 0x9A, 0x9F, 0x00, 0xAA, 0x00, 0x34, 0x28, 0x20 } 
     }; 

     UUID LIBID_CHelloLib = { /* 2573F890-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820 
> */ 
             0x2573F890, 
             0xCFEE, 
             0x101A, 
             { 0x9A, 0x9F, 0x00, 0xAA, 0x00, 0x34, 0x28, 0x20 } 
     }; 

     #include 
     #include 
     #include 
     #include 
     #include 
     #include "pshlo.h" 
     #include "shlo.hxx" 
     #include "clsid.h" 

     int _cdecl main( 
     int argc, 
     char * argv[] 
     ) { 
     HRESULT hRslt; 
     IHello *pHello; 
     ULONG ulCnt; 
     IMoniker * pmk; 
     WCHAR wcsT[_MAX_PATH]; 
     WCHAR wcsPath[2 * _MAX_PATH]; 

     // get object path 
     wcsPath[0] = '\0'; 
     wcsT[0] = '\0'; 
     if( argc > 1) { 
             mbstowcs(wcsPath, argv[1], strlen(argv[1]) + 1); 
             wcsupr(wcsPath); 
             } 
     else { 
             fprintf(stderr, "Object path must be specified\n"); 
             return(1); 
             } 

     // get print string 
     if(argc > 2) 
             mbstowcs(wcsT, argv[2], strlen(argv[2]) + 1); 
     else 
             wcscpy(wcsT, L"Hello World"); 

     printf("Linking to object %ws\n", wcsPath); 
     printf("Text String %ws\n", wcsT); 

     // Initialize the OLE libraries 
     hRslt = CoInitializeEx(NULL, COINIT_MULTITHREADED); 

     if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt)) { 

             hRslt = CreateFileMoniker(wcsPath, &pmk); 
             if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt)) 
       hRslt = BindMoniker(pmk, 0, IID_IHello, (void **)&pHello); 

             if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt)) { 

       // print a string out 
       pHello->PrintSz(wcsT); 

       Sleep(2000); 
       ulCnt = pHello->Release(); 
       } 
             else 
       printf("Failure to connect, status: %lx", hRslt); 

             // Tell OLE we are going away. 
             CoUninitialize(); 
             } 

     return(0); 
     } 
 

Apprentice Hacker

 #!/usr/local/bin/perl 
 $msg="Hello, world.\n"; 
 if ($#ARGV >= 0) { 
     while(defined($arg=shift(@ARGV))) { 
         $outfilename = $arg; 
         open(FILE, "$gt;" . $outfilename) || die "Can't write $arg: 
> $!\n"; 
         print (FILE $msg); 
         close(FILE) || die "Can't close $arg: $!\n"; 
     } 
 } else { 
     print ($msg); 
 } 
 1; 
 

Experienced Hacker

 #include 
 #define S "Hello, World\n" 
 main(){exit(printf(S) == strlen(S) ? 0 : 1);} 
 

Seasoned Hacker

 % cc -o a.out ~/src/misc/hw/hw.c 
 % a.out 
 

Guru Hacker

 % cat 
 Hello, world. 
 ^^D 
 

AXE System programmer

 LL0: 
                 .seg "data" 
                 .seg "text" 
                 .proc 04 
                 .global _main 
 _main: 
                 !#PROLOGUE# 0 
                 sethi %hi(LF26),%g1 
                 add %g1,%lo(LF26),%g1 
                 save %sp,%g1,%sp 
                 !#PROLOGUE# 1 
                 .seg "data1" 
 L30: 
                 .ascii "Hello, World\012\0" 
                 .seg "text" 
                 .seg "data1" 
 L32: 
                 .ascii "Hello, World\012\0" 
                 .seg "text" 
                 set L32,%o0 
                 call _strlen,1 > nop 
                 mov %o0,%i5 > set L30,%o0 
               call _printf,1 
               nop > cmp %o0,%i5 
                 bne L2000000 
                 nop 
                 mov 0,%o0 
                 b L2000001 
                 nop 
 L2000000: 
                 mov 0x1,%o0 
 L2000001: 
                 call _exit,1 
                 nop 
 LE26: 
                 ret 
                 restore 
               LF26 = -96 
                 LP26 = 96 
               LST26 = 96 
                 LT26 = 96 
                 .seg "data" 

 0000000 0103 0107 0000 0060 0000 0020 0000 0000 
 0000020 0000 0030 0000 0000 0000 0054 0000 0000 
 0000040 033f ffff 8200 63a0 9de3 8001 1100 0000 
 0000060 9012 2000 4000 0000 0100 0000 ba10 0008 
 0000100 1100 0000 9012 2000 4000 0000 0100 00 ba10 0008 
 0000100 1100 0000 9012 2000 4000 0000 0100 0000 
 0000120 80a2 001d 1280 0005 0100 0000 9010 2000 
 0000140 1080 0003 0100 0000 9010 2001 4000 0000 
   0100 0000 81c7 e008 81e8 0000 0000 0000 
 0000200 4865 6c6c 6f2c 2057 6f72 6c64 0a00 4865 
 0000220 6c6c 6f2c 2057 6f72 6c64 0a00 0000 0000 
 0000240 0000 000c 0000 0608 0000 006e 0000 0010 
 0000260 0000 060b 0000 006e 0000 0014 0000 0286 
 0000300 ffff ffec 0000 0020 0000 0608 0000 0060 
 0000320 0000 0024 0000 060b 0000 0060 0000 0028 
 0000340 0000 0186 ffff ffd8 0000 004c 0000 0386 
 0000360 ffff ffb4 0000 0004 0500 0000 0000 0000 
 0000400 0000 000a 0100 0000 0000 0000 0000 0012 
 0000420 0100 0000 0000 0000 0000 001a 0100 0000 
 0000440 0000 0000 0000 0020 5f6d 6169 6e00 5f70 
 0000460 7269 6e74 6600 5f73 7472 6c65 6e00 5f65 
 0000500 7869 7400 
 0000504 

 % axe_generate -f system.uhdl 
 Application 'Exchange' generated 
 2324042350000000 source code lines 
 No Errors detected. 
 Hardware retrieval...done OK 
 Certification Test...done OK 
 Packing..............done OK 
 Delivery.............done OK 
 Application 'Exchange' delivered to customer 
 3456000 bytes/sec. 
 End processing, 2345 seconds. 
 

Ultra high level programmer

 system.uhdl : 

 SYSTEM 
     CREATE ScreenWin 
         SIZE 20000000/Unit=One 
         DESTINATION Order.dest[One] 
         OUTPUT CHARACTER['Hello world'] 
     END 
 END 
 

New Manager

 10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD" 
 20 END 
 

Middle Manager

 mail -s "Hello, world." bob@b12 

   Bob, could you please write me a program that prints 
 "Hello, world."? I need it by tomorrow. 

 ^^D 
 

Senior Manager

 % zmail all 

     I need a "Hello, world." program by this afternoon. 
 

Chief Executive

     % message 
     message: Command not found 
     % pm 
     pm: Command not found 
     % letter 
     letter: Command not found. 
     % mail 
     To: ^^X ^^F ^^C 
     > help mail 
     help: Command not found. 
     what 
     what: Command not found 
     need help 
     need: Command not found 
   damn! 
     !: Event unrecognized 
     exit 
   exit: Unknown 
   quit 
     % 
     % logout 


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