Humour Files: Sex manpage

SEX(6)                     EUNUCH       Programmer's        Manual

sex - have sex

sex [ options ] ...  [ username ] ...

_s_e_x allows the invoker to have sex with the user(s) speci-
fied in the command line.   If no users are specified, they
are taken from the LOVERS environment variable.  Options to
make things more interesting are as follows:

-1   masturbate

-a   external stimulus (aphrodisiac) option

-b   buggery

   bestiality with 

-c   chocolate sauce option

-C   chaining option (cuffs included) (see also -m -s -W)

   get a date with the features described in 

-e   exhibitionism (image sent to all machines on the net)

-f   foreplay option

-F   nasal sex with plants

-i   coitus interruptus (messy!)

-j   jacuzzi option (California sites only)

-l   leather option

-m   masochism (see -s)

-M   triple parallel (Menage a Trois) option

-n   necrophilia (if target process is not dead, program
   kills it)

-o   oral option

-O   parallel access (orgy)

-p   debug option (proposition only)

-P   pedophilia (must specify a child process)

Printed 2/15/87              2/15/87                             1

SEX(6)                     EUNUCH       Programmer's        Manual

-q   quickie (wham, bam, thank you, ma'am)

-s   sadism (target must set -m)

-S   sundae option

   voice-net sex via standard uucp autodialer facilities;
   area code prefix of 900 is assumed.

-v   voyeurism (surveys the entire net)

-w   whipped cream option

-W   whips (see also -s, -C, and -m)

   is a list of default partners which will be used if
   none are specified in the command line.  If any are
   specified, the values in LOVERS is ignored.

/usr/lib/sex/animals           animals for bestiality

/usr/lib/sex/blackbook         possible dates

/usr/lib/sex/sundaes           sundae recipes

/usr/lib/sex/s&m          sado-masochistic equipment

^C (quit process) may leave the user very unsatisfied.

^Z (stop process) is usually quite messy.

Author prefers to be anonymous.

Oldest program ever.

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