Humour Files: Signs

Signs of the Times
These are signs and notices written in english and found throughout
the world.
In a Tokyo Hotel:
      Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a
      person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
      The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we
      regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator:
      Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
      To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin
      should enter more persons, each one should press a number of
      wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national
In a Paris hotel elevator:
      Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens:
      Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours
      of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
      The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
In a Japanese hotel:
      You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
      You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and
      Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
      Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the
      boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
      Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel:
      Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy
      dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef
      rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
      Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
      Drop your trousers here for best results.
Outside a Paris dress shop:
      Dresses for street walking.
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
      Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute
      customers in strict rotation.
Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:
      There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet
      Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the
      past two years.
A sign posted in Germany's Black forest:
      It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that
      people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live
      together in one tent unless they are married with each other for
      that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel:
      Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite
      sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for
      this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
      Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
In a Rome laundry:
      Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a
      good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
      Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
      Would you like to ride on your own ass?
In a Swiss mountain inn:
      Special today -- no ice cream.
In a Bangkok temple:
      It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a
In a Tokyo bar:
      Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
      We take your bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
      If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
      Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In a Budapest zoo:
      Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food,
      give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor:
      Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel:
      The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
In a Tokyo shop:
      Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best
      in the long run.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
      Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your
      room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
      When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet
      him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage
      then tootle him with vigor.
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
      English well talking.
      Here speeching American.

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