Humour Files: Translation

 Women's English (so true)
 Yes = No.

 No = Yes.

 Maybe = No.

 We need = I want.

 I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.

 We need to talk = I need to complain.

 Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to.

 Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.

 Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.

 I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

 Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you're dead.

 You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.

 Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.

 You're so...manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

 Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

 It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

 You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

 I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game
 on TV

 How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really
 not going to like.

 MEN'S ENGLISH (even more true... apparently)

 I'm hungry = I'm hungry.

 I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy.

 I'm tired = I'm tired.

 Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

 I love you = Let's have sex now.

 I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?

 What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question.

 May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.

 Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.

 Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.

 Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.

 Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex
 with other guys.

 You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with
 you within the next ten minutes.

 Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep
 person and then I'd like to have sex with you.

 I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

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